THE GREAT BLANK
I stare at the ceiling. I don't know for how have I been watching the ceiling. The Grant Blank it is where you feel nothing and everything simultaneously and you just keep hoping that it doesn't consume you in its dark deep void of emptiness.
She is suffering
She is suffering so much
How to end this.
There were so moments in life that I wanted to build a time machine and go back in time and change it (for example when my uncle died, when my closest persons left, when she left earlier) but this time it was like I was cribbing for it.
I sit up on the bed, drank some more water. I closed my eyes and the relapses from the nightmare come back.
She was dressed in a red dress. She kissed me. Her lips melted in mine. Suddenly she grabbed my throat and started choking me. My breath began to lessen up. She said " You said nah you can do anything for me? I want this. I want you to suffer like this baby." She kissed my cheeks and tightened her grip around my throat. I started to feel my life going out of me. As my life was finally getting away, I could hear her whisper "I love you". And then black.
I wake up in a cold sweat and then I try to understand the dream. My guilt crawling into my bed and getting into that naive vessel- my brain. I can see how much she is suffering , what I did to her. I destroyed and this guilt are never going to let me live. Maybe her heart will be mended, maybe I will mend it for her. But what about me?
Yeah probably you might be thinking- oh what a selfish. Think. U haven't even started hating me.
Her priorities have changed and everything I say I have to be extra careful because one thing will lead to another and she will start bashing me. Kicking my guts with her cold and without mercy words. Thrashing my face with her behavior. But I will endure, I have to endure. I tasted love, forbidden love and now its time to taste blood, the real thing.
Love without pain ain't love at all. maybe the saying is true after all.
Coming back to my blank. This blankness is a spiral ladder down to depression. I start to cry and express my feelings , shouting them into thin air and my guilt echoes the same back to me and I get the reason for her coldness, for her behavior. Its me after all. So I start mourning, praying to God to let her be happy, let her back to me. I try to close my eyes. Relapse and its the same thing down again.
I love you re
You don't even deserve me.
Thats the transition of her mood from time to time. From giving up everything to forging the wall back up around her heart is what she is suffering. She is trying but I she is not been able to cope up with me. She loves me, she hates me. Like The Great Blank. You feel everything and nothing at all. Its The Great Blank afterall.
I stare at the ceiling. I don't know for how have I been watching the ceiling. The Grant Blank it is where you feel nothing and everything simultaneously and you just keep hoping that it doesn't consume you in its dark deep void of emptiness.
She is suffering
She is suffering so much
How to end this.
There were so moments in life that I wanted to build a time machine and go back in time and change it (for example when my uncle died, when my closest persons left, when she left earlier) but this time it was like I was cribbing for it.
I sit up on the bed, drank some more water. I closed my eyes and the relapses from the nightmare come back.
She was dressed in a red dress. She kissed me. Her lips melted in mine. Suddenly she grabbed my throat and started choking me. My breath began to lessen up. She said " You said nah you can do anything for me? I want this. I want you to suffer like this baby." She kissed my cheeks and tightened her grip around my throat. I started to feel my life going out of me. As my life was finally getting away, I could hear her whisper "I love you". And then black.
I wake up in a cold sweat and then I try to understand the dream. My guilt crawling into my bed and getting into that naive vessel- my brain. I can see how much she is suffering , what I did to her. I destroyed and this guilt are never going to let me live. Maybe her heart will be mended, maybe I will mend it for her. But what about me?
Yeah probably you might be thinking- oh what a selfish. Think. U haven't even started hating me.
Her priorities have changed and everything I say I have to be extra careful because one thing will lead to another and she will start bashing me. Kicking my guts with her cold and without mercy words. Thrashing my face with her behavior. But I will endure, I have to endure. I tasted love, forbidden love and now its time to taste blood, the real thing.
Love without pain ain't love at all. maybe the saying is true after all.
Coming back to my blank. This blankness is a spiral ladder down to depression. I start to cry and express my feelings , shouting them into thin air and my guilt echoes the same back to me and I get the reason for her coldness, for her behavior. Its me after all. So I start mourning, praying to God to let her be happy, let her back to me. I try to close my eyes. Relapse and its the same thing down again.
I love you re
You don't even deserve me.
Thats the transition of her mood from time to time. From giving up everything to forging the wall back up around her heart is what she is suffering. She is trying but I she is not been able to cope up with me. She loves me, she hates me. Like The Great Blank. You feel everything and nothing at all. Its The Great Blank afterall.
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